


my head hurts ngl i should sleep more

by UWORU



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:42:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25933834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UWORU/pseuds/UWORU
Kudos: 1





	my head hurts ngl i should sleep more

They told me that day. When I still couldn’t see. When I was still grieving over the misery I had created and forced onto myself.

They told me nothing, but I knew what they wanted to say, holding it back to spare themselves from seeing how utterly pitiful I could become.

It’s sad. No part of me feels like it belongs anymore.

My ambitions have been smothered out by what would be called responsibility, and I’m scared of the lack of an explanation as to what it means.

My patience runs thin and every breath I take tries to crush me entirely. If only, if only, the list just doesn’t stop, there’s nobody here to stop it, and it hurts.

But no matter how detestable I become, I can’t change that. I don’t know how to with an empty hand, and that frustrates me too, because I know it’s my fault and I still tried to pretend it wasn’t.

My head points to one direction and my heart to the other, and I don’t know which one is worse. Maybe, deep down, I know I’m destined for failure either way, so what do I do now?

Please help, is what I want to say, yet the words never come out. Being ignored, left without an answer is such a terrifying thought, and I’m not ready to accept the consequences of my own actions, I never will be.

I don’t want to acknowledge that change is a very real concept, that I’ve been sheltered from it for so long to the point where I fear I might just die. ‘If you pretend everything is okay, they will play along’ is a mentality I never had to grow out of, and I could puke at the thought.

It stopped being about me a long time ago, and I was the only one who failed to understand. My life has, for as long as I can remember, already been sealed in a box awaiting its delivery to someone else, and now that such a day will never come, it’s just left to waste away, disappearing without a trace.

Ah, that’s right, I was so numb I forgot I had even wanted to send it as a gift. How stupid. Sentiment buried by coal that stoked fire, blindly torching down a lifeline I can't even hope to repair.

I can't continue to believe in what once was, nor can I come to terms with what will be. I know that better than anyone, please let me believe I know myself.

That I'm completely lost, that everything I've lived for no longer needs me.

The sound of my own cries for help is deafening only to me, and no matter how much I cry, the pain in my heart doesn't leave.

I think only of chances that have already passed by, words that escape my grasp and carve themselves into an intricate catalyst of ruin.

Lying in the grave I have dug with my own hands in the folly of pride and arrogance, the piercing wind that has long lost its bite calms down,

and as the world slows to carry my hopes far away to a better place,

I can't help but be grateful for hearing a delicate goodbye.


End file.
